Sunday, March 31, 2013

Silent in Word, Thought, and Expression

This journal is for Friday the 22nd.  Today was the last day of my brutal experiment and I cannot lie, I was pumped.  I was pumped in the way that you get when you found out Jersey Shore got canceled.  Like really really really excited.  I remember laying in bed on that Friday thinking, 'yes, todays the last day, I can do it'.  I thought one last day would be pretty easy and in a way it was.  I went to my two Friday classes like always. I sat through Ethics class popping evil balloons, with dart throwing monkeys so I could save the world in Bloons Defense Tower.  Ironic that I was playing a game on my phone in Ethics class.  It was pretty easy not to talk while I was distracted. Yeah I had questions and thoughts I wanted to express, but I dismissed them and continued with my game.  In spanish where she didn't allow phones I spent the day playing hangman and connect four on paper, with my friend Rob.  I had plenty of thoughts and ideas I would have liked to say and express during my classes, but knew I couldn't, and didn't feel like being a burden so I stayed quiet.  As long as I could express my thoughts the next week I knew things would be all right.  It wasn't my fault that I couldn't talk and it was something I choose to do.  Something I thought that in all honesty would be easy.  And in all honesty, by the end of the experiment staying quiet was easy.  But it was only because the silence had beaten me.  It was easy because I didn't even try to express my thoughts on the last day.  I had given up talking.  I had given up being a burden.  In silence I was only a burden to myself and my mental state.  In expression I was a burden to all.  It was a simple choice, to simply keep to myself.  If this wasn't an experiment and I was truly a mute...I wouldn't make it.  I wouldn't be strong enough to even try to be honest. Zombie apocalypse? I could totally handle it. Being quiet? Totally hosed.

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